NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
