Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
