onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
