So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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