Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
