Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm always down for nudity.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
