Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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