How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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