so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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