i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
