you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
