If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
