PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
