Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
