just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
