You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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