A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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