yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
