im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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