Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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