Sorry, I don't speak sober.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
