Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
