I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
