that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
