Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
