Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
