i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
