Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
