Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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