that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
