At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
