you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
