I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
