He asked me if I "almost moaned"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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