Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
