is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
high people should be assigned attendants
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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