Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
