Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
