What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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