please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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