Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The adults are the big ones right?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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