I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
