just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
