Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
