Already got asked if we're dating
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
