How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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