you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
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