why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
