Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
