Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
